“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” Ephesians 4:15 (NIV)
Remember saying this when we were kids? “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me.”
The truth is that words can hurt. I still hear the taunting voices of children’s mean words, making me feel “less than.” I still hear judgmental opinions of others, making me feel I will never measure up.
Perhaps that’s why, when someone hurts my feelings, I become defensive and quickly retort to put them in their place: Zing! Take that! But when I do, I am always sorry because I have hurt someone or said things I did not mean. And then I am remorseful. That’s not the kind of person God desires me to be. I long to be a person who builds others up, not tears them down.
In Ephesians 4, Paul exhorts the church in Ephesus to grow and build up one another in love so that crafty people and teaching would not deceive them, and they would reach unity and maturity. He instructed them to be humble, gentle, patient, and loving. He writes, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ” (Ephesians 4:15, NIV).
The Greek word for love used here is “agape.” Agape is the highest form of love that God has for humans. Agape love is selfless, unconditional love for others. Its intended purpose is to benefit a loved one. Thus, “speaking the truth in love” means giving instruction or sharing hard truths kindly and gently. It is inoffensive and helps others.
However, there are times when we need to stand up for ourselves, like at work when my boss took credit for a loan I had successfully generated or when I was bullied at school for being different. Sometimes, we must also speak to loved ones to encourage them onto the right path.
The Bible tells us that “there is a time for everything. . . a time to be silent and a time to speak” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 7, NIV).
So, how do we know when to be silent or speak? The answer is to pause. Pausing keeps us from rushing in with a reprimand and enables us to be helpful rather than hurtful. It allows us to choose our words carefully and reveal God’s truth.
PAUSE:
- Pray and seek Godly wisdom:
- Is it the correct time to speak?
- Am I the person who should speak about this issue?
- What is God’s truth regarding this situation?
- And listen:
- Listen for the Spirit’s direction.
- Listen thoughtfully to what the other person is saying.
- Understand the issue from the other’s point of view.
- Speak with care:
- Measure your words up against the Word of God.
- Use carefully chosen inoffensive words.
- Encourage:
- Use encouraging words that will build up the other person.
Dear Heavenly Father, Help me to pause when I want to lash out or speak words that might tear someone down. Help me speak words of truth in love when needed, words that are fitly spoken, refreshing, and sweet, “like apples of gold in settings of silver” (Proverbs 25:11, NIV).
For Further Study:
31 Scriptures About the Power of Your Words
