I’ll admit it. I am a control freak. I don’t necessarily boss everyone around. Instead, I try to control every aspect of my life. I strive to know all the details and plan ahead. Then, I fret, worry, and overthink every possible scenario, both good and bad, and prepare for the unexpected. Maybe you can relate?
Where My Control Issues Came From
I have been legally blind since birth. Thus, other children didn’t accept me and teased me relentlessly. So, in school, I worked twice as hard to overcome my disability and prove my worth.
And at home, I suffered through divorce, abuse, and alcoholism. In short, my childhood was full of shame, chaos, and bitter fights. Control became my coping mechanism.
To escape the turmoil, I married at a young age. I was determined not to end up like my parents. I planned to have four children, like my husband’s family, since I saw them as “the perfect family.” However, I suppose God had other plans, because our family was far from perfect.
Despite my desperate attempts to control my life, things did not go according to my plans. My first child turned out to be very strong-willed. Then, my second child was born with multiple disabilities and was very sick. After only one year, he passed away. My third child had ADHD. And we nearly lost our fourth child when she was born 2 months premature. In addition to this, the husband I thought would take me away from all my problems was an alcoholic.
Why Control Doesn’t Work
As my story illustrates, trying to control life doesn’t work. My life fell into place only after I released my control to God. Perhaps that’s why the Bible tells us, “We can make our own plans, but the Lord gives the right answer. People may be pure in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their motives. Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed” (Proverbs 16:1-3, NLT).
Control is our way of reducing the risk of being hurt by people and events. However, when we try to control everyone and everything, we demonstrate a lack of trust, which hurts our relationships.
Control and overthinking also lead to under-trusting God. I can’t tell you how many times I have prayed and given all my worries to the Lord, only to take them back and obsess over them the following day.
Additionally, holding tightly to life’s reins isn’t healthy. It increases our anxiety and stress and reduces our joy.
Surrendering Control
Friend, changing and letting go are never easy. But God can do much more with our surrender than we can with our control. So, here are a few tips to help:
- Spend time with God: We can focus on God rather than life’s problems. As we draw near to God, His love will fill us, replacing our anxiety and desire to control with His grace. “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need” (Hebrews 4:16, NIV).
- Pray: We can pray for peace and wisdom to do God’s will rather than our own. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7, NIV).
- Create a gratitude list: Gratitude for all that God has given us can change our perspective on life and help us recognize that God is in control. “Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion” (Psalm 103:2-4, NIV).
- Meditate on God’s Word: God’s truth encourages us and builds our trust.
- It protects (Ephesians 6:14, 2 Corinthians 10:5).
- It sustains (Matthew 4:4).
- It directs (Psalms 119:105).
- It teaches & equips (2 Timothy 3:16-17).
Final Thoughts
Friend, life can be complex and scary. But trying to control everything only makes life more difficult. We can let go of our control and trust that God has good plans for us, even if they are not ours. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28, NIV).
