We all have them in our lives: sandpaper people.
Who are sandpaper people? Sandpaper people are those who:
- Act as if they know everything.
- Use their tongues like knives, cutting us to the bone with their criticism and judgment, making us feel we aren’t enough.
- Speak rudely or unkindly, and never have anything good to say.
- Brag, are selfish, egotistical, or make everything about themselves.
- Behave “large and in charge” and intimidate us.
Sandpaper people are people we don’t like being around.
We Need Sandpaper People
A good friend and mentor, and I used to walk in the hilly area near her home a couple of times a week. For me, it was great exercise both spiritually and physically because I never came away without her speaking words of wisdom into my life. One day, as we were approaching the holiday season, I confided that I was dreading it. I explained how I had a couple of family members I preferred to avoid. She laughed and said, “God places sandpaper people in our lives for a reason, to sand down our hard edges and make us more like Jesus.”
Turns out my dear friend was absolutely right. Sandpaper people can spur us to change and be better because they:
- Teach us how to accept constructive criticism. (even if the message could be delivered in a softer, kinder way), But there may be some truth behind the words that can spur us to change and be better.
- They teach us to have grace.
- They teach us to forgive.
- They help us truly understand what Jesus did for us when He died for us–sinful, hardheaded people who think our ways are better than God.
We Are All Sandpaper People
Way Back Then
People have been imperfect, hardheaded, and difficult since the beginning of time. Adam and Eve lived in a perfect place in communion with God. But thanks to the serpent, Eve thought God was holding out on them. When he encouraged her to eat the forbidden fruit, saying, “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God” (Genesis 3:5, NIV).
Adam and Eve fell for the enemy’s trap and used their free will to commit the first sin. As a result, we now live in a world full of sin and evil.
Then
Since that time, humans have been sinful, hard-hearted, egotistical, judgmental, Sandpaper People. But God had a plan to save us and restore our right relationship with Himself by sending Jesus. Jesus’ death and resurrection saved us and restored our right relationship with God.
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus” (Romans 3:23-24, NIV).
Now
Although Christians try to behave better after our salvation, everyone still sins and needs God’s ongoing grace, mercy, and forgiveness.
But sadly, we can still be Sandpaper People who:
- Constantly ask God Why?
- Pray and expect God to answer in our way and timeframe.
- Judge others.
- Find it hard to forgive those who have hurt us.
- Forget to be merciful to others.
I could go on and on. But by now, I hope you see that we, too, can be Sandpaper People from time to time.
What Does God Say About Sandpaper People?
Friend, here is what I’ve discovered: In a world full of difficulties, evil, and hate, it’s easy to be offended and not like someone. However, Jesus calls us to love others as we love ourselves (Matthew 22:39). Why? Sometimes, we act just like the Sandpaper People we dislike. Yet, God loves us and gives us grace.
- God doesn’t tell us to run away from the difficult people in our lives. He tells us to reach out and tell them about His kingdom (Matthew 28:19-20).
- The Lord doesn’t say it’s fine to gossip or speak ill of them, but to encourage them (Ephesians 4:29).
- Jesus doesn’t tell us to get even with them. He tells us to love them (Matthew 5:44).
How Do We Love Sandpaper People?
Even though God calls us to love the sandpaper people in our lives, I will be the first to admit that it’s tough sometimes. I personally find it much easier to run away, avoid, or lash out at them in self-defense. But I know God calls Christians to a higher level of behavior so that others may see our good behavior and bring Glory to Him.
“Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.” – 1 Peter 2:11-13, NIV
Tips to embrace and love the sandpaper people in our lives:
Be Kind
Sometimes, hurting people hurt others. For example, people who judge or put us down often do so because they’ve been treated similarly and are trying to compensate for feelings of unworthiness. People who are bossy or egotistical are frequently that way because they actually have low self-worth. And people who are rude or unkind may never have been treated kindly. It is also possible they might be having an awful day or are struggling through a difficult season of life.
Friend, we never know what someone is dealing with or has been through. However, a little bit of kindness on our part may go a long way toward helping them.
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” – Colossians 3:12, NIV
See them through God’s eyes.
When we remember that God created and loves each one of us, despite our flaws, it can soften our hearts and give us a little compassion toward the sandpaper people in our lives. When we take just a moment to see them from God’s perspective and how deeply He loves them, it reminds us of His love for us. Then, God’s love has the power to change our perspective and extend love to them.
“We love because he first loved us.” – 1 John 4:19, NIV
Pray for them.
The Bible instructs us to love and pray for our enemies.
“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” – Luke 6:27-28, NIV
Friend, this may be the most significant way that sandpaper people help us become more like Jesus. Because, in my opinion, this is the hardest thing to do. However, we can follow Jesus’ example. When He was being crucified, Jesus prayed and asked the Father to forgive those who were hurting Him (Luke 23:34).
Forgive them.
Something I have learned over the years is that we do not forgive others because they deserve it. We forgive others because it frees us from the bitterness and pain we carry in our hearts when we harbor a grudge. Additionally, we forgive because we truly understand the transformative power of being forgiven.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:32, NIV
Set Boundaries
Sometimes people hurt us badly, or they are so unhealthy that we can’t be around them. In these instances, to protect our safety and well-being, we can set boundaries. We can limit our time and communication with them, or even remove them from our lives. However, we can continue to pray for them, hoping that God will change their hearts.
We Can Let Sandpaper People Shape Our Hearts
Friend, sandpaper people may rub us the wrong way, but God can use even those rough edges to refine our hearts. They reveal areas where we need to grow in patience, humility, forgiveness, and love. Through the sandpaper people in our lives, God gives us opportunities to respond with grace instead of anger, kindness instead of criticism, and prayer instead of bitterness.
When we choose to see difficult people through God’s eyes, we begin to understand His heart for us all, imperfect yet deeply loved. And as we allow Him to smooth away our own rough edges, we start to reflect more of Jesus’ character to a watching world.
So the next time you encounter a sandpaper person, pause and ask, “Lord, what are You trying to teach me through this?” Because sometimes, the very people who irritate us most are the ones God uses to shape us into who He created us to be.
