“Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.” Proverbs 17:9 (NIV)
Have you ever been tempted to share how you’ve been offended? It’s easy to think that if we make the other person look bad for their mistake or sin, we will feel better.
I was hurt and angry. But it was my daughter’s wedding. So I knew that I had to zip my mouth. This day was not about me. It was about my daughter’s happiness. And if I made a scene or confronted my offender, I could ruin everything for my daughter.
While cleaning up the next day, I came across something left behind by the person who had offended me. My first instinct was to leave it at the Airbnb. After all, returning it wasn’t my responsibility, and part of me thought she deserved to be inconvenienced. But then my rational side took over, and I realized I needed to do the right thing.
Later that week, one of my other daughters was coming by to pick up my grandson’s car seat. I knew she would notice the item in my car, which I planned to return later that day. I was tempted to tell her the whole story and cast myself as the martyr who, despite being wronged, chose to do the right thing.
Sometimes the Holy Spirit doesn’t gently whisper words of wisdom in a still, small voice. Oh no, I’m far too stubborn for that! He has to get right in my face and make the truth impossible to miss. Just before I went outside to meet her, I read this verse:
“Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends” (Proverbs 17:9, NIV).
Friend, the truth is, Jesus calls us to “love one another” (John 13:34) and to forgive others as He forgives us. (Colossians 3:13, NIV). So if we want to “foster love,” we need to forgive rather than repeat or share the offense with others.
God shows us unconditional love. God’s love forgives and forgets our sins and offenses. God’s love extends grace and mercy to us. And it is this same love that we are called to share with others.
Here are a few practical steps to help you forgive an offense and foster love:
- Pour out your feelings before God. Tell Him honestly what hurt you and why. He cares about your pain and can handle your raw emotions.
- Ask God to help you forgive. Forgiveness doesn’t come naturally, but with God’s help, your heart can be softened.
- Ask God for strength. Ask God to give you courage and self-control to respond in love.
- Choose not to repeat the offense. Decide to let the matter stay between you and God, rather than sharing it with others. This protects relationships and prevents division.
- Pray blessing over the person. Even if your emotions don’t line up right away, ask God to bless them. This helps your heart shift from bitterness toward love.
- Release the offense daily if needed. Some hurts take time to heal. Be willing to surrender the pain again and again until God replaces it with His peace.
Dear one, I know that choosing to forgive isn’t easy. But remember, forgiveness doesn’t excuse the hurtful behavior. Instead, forgiveness is choosing love over bitterness. When we withhold our words and refrain from repeating an offense, we actively foster love towards others. God calls us to forgive, not because it is easy, but because His love has already covered all our offenses. Living out that kind of love enables us to reflect Jesus to those around us.
Father God,
Thank You for loving me with a love that forgives and forgets my offenses. Help me to bring my hurts to You instead of repeating them to others. Give me the strength to forgive, even when it feels hard, and teach me to foster love in every relationship. Help me to pray blessing over those who hurt me and to release the offense daily until peace replaces the pain. May my words and actions reflect Your grace and mercy, pointing others to the forgiveness found in Christ.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
