Try, try again
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Try, Try Again

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” This is advice we should all heed. Or should we? There was a point in my life when I thought if I just tried harder, I would stop letting God down. I knew that He forgave me when I sought forgiveness. But I was convinced that because I kept making the same mistakes again and again, I was a huge disappointment to God. 

Trust is Letting Go
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Trust Is Letting Go

I am unfortunately prone to a pattern of giving my problems to God, then immediately picking them back up and refusing to let them go. Over the years I have e learned that God doesn’t always answer my prayers when and how I ask, I’ve also seen how He always shows up and acts on my behalf. In fact, when I look back on my life I see countless times where He has worked His good plans even out of seemingly bad situations. Yet, my obsessive need to find a solution on my own persists. Instead, I need to trust God. Trust is letting go.

Shining God’s Light Into Our Darkness
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God’s Light Illuminates Our Darkness

Have you ever run away from God? I have. When I became a Christian I kept hearing about how I was supposed to behave. But because of my rocky childhood, I was a survivor. My coping mechanisms were keeping busy ,being perfectionistic with myself and others, and being angry when I and others couldn’t live up to my impossible expectations. But even worse, I saw God as a judgmental parent who rejected me because I wasn’t good enough. 

The truth is God doesn’t need us to be perfect. Thus, we can stop pursuing perfection.
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In Pursuit of Perfection

After I became a Christian I was told I was reborn spiritually. And I read this verse. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come”. (2 Corinthians 5:17, ESV) The problem was I didn’t feel like a new creation. No matter how hard I tried, I was the same old me, making the same old mistakes. So I pursued perfection and tried to please people But this was a no win situation